Briefs
0

College Talk: Dissecting the beat poetry of Sarah Palin

With election season in full swing, it’s easy to get caught up in the jargon of political speeches. We at The Circle are here to help. On Jan. 19, Sara Palin endorsed republican front runner Donald Trump. Our “college slang” expert, Matt Sowell, has taken some parts of Palin’s speech and translated it into language that a college student will understand.

via GIPHY

PALIN:

“Are you ready to make America great again? We all have a part in this. We all have a responsibility. Looking around at all of you, you hardworking Iowa families. You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks. You rockin’ rollers. And holy rollers! All of you who work so hard. You full-time moms. You with the hands that rock the cradle. You all make the world go round, and now our cause is one.”

COLLEGE TALK:

Are you ready for the first lines of my new mixtape?! I can rhyme! Looking around at all of you, you middle class families who are tired of millennials! You farmers, teachers, teamsters, moms, and cops and cooks. Rockin’ Roll is as relevant in Iowa as I am in politics!

 

PALIN:

“You know, I’m thinking, And? You know, like you guys haven’t tried to do that every day since that night in ‘08, when I was on stage nominated for VP, and I got to say, “Yeah, I’ll go, send me, you betcha. I’ll serve.” And, like you all, I’m still standing.”

COLLEGE TALK:

My friends who said this was a bad idea, I’ve got one thing to say to you: I just boosted Saturday Night Live’s ratings so much.

 

PALIN:

“He is from the private sector, not a politician, can I get a “Hallelujah!”

COLLEGE TALK:

He is not a politician like me!

 

PALIN:

“Our own GOP machine, the establishment, they who would assemble the political landscape, they’re attacking their own frontrunner. Now would the Left ever, would the DNC ever come after their frontrunner and her supporters? No because they don’t eat their own, they don’t self-destruct. But for the GOP establishment to be coming after Donald Trump’s supporters even, with accusations that are so false. They are so busted, the way that this thing works.”

COLLEGE TALK:

I just can’t even with the GOP. They ain’t loyal, it’s too late to say sorry. We are our own party. Trump is love, Trump is life.

 

PALIN:

“How ‘bout the rest of us? Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough? Yeah, coming from the establishment. Right.”

COLLEGE TALK:

A catchphrase for the decades, a twig of poetry in a forest of charred trees and polluted soil.

 

PALIN:

“This election is more than just your basic ABCs, anybody but Clinton. It’s more than that this go-around. When we’re talking about a nation without borders. When we’re talking about bankruptcies in our federal government. Debt that our children and our grandchildren, they’ll never be able to pay off.”

COLLEGE TALK:

I will not chill, bro. I am mad, bro. We’re gonna fight, bro.

 

PALIN:

“Are you ready to share in that again, Iowa? Because that’s what’s going to let you make America great again. He’s going to be able to empower you to look out for one-another again instead of relying on bankrupt government to supposedly be looking out for you. No, and I think you’re ready for that.”

COLLEGE TALK:

Trump is going to Netflix and Chill with this nation. He’s going to Netflix and Chill this nation right into the ground!

 

PALIN:

“Now, finally friends, I want you to try to picture this, it’s a nice thing to picture. Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama. He packs up the teleprompters and the selfie-sticks, and the Greek columns, and all that hopey, changey stuff and he heads on back to Chicago, where I’m sure he can find some community there to organize again. There, he can finally look up, President Obama will be able to look up, and there, over his head, he’ll be able to see that shining, towering, Trump tower. Yes, Barack, he built that, and that says a lot.”

COLLEGE TALK:

Obama is leaving in a year and dog-gonnit we’re taking over. We’re going to do to this nation what Chipotle does to your stomach. Let freedom ring!

This article is based off of satire and should not be taken seriously.

Share:
  • googleplus
  • linkedin
  • tumblr
  • rss
  • pinterest
  • mail

By Matt Sowell

There are 0 comments

Leave a comment

Want to express your opinion?
Leave a reply!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *